MOVING

I order to ease the password and site logins that I have to remember, I have moved my blog to another account. Life is Beautiful can now be found HERE.

Thanks!

Dancing Shoes

Last year my old dance school held a reunion in honor of the director's retirement. At the reunion I reconnected with my friend, Erica, who I danced with for many years. We have kept in touch via Facebook over the last year. She started writing me in June asking if I wanted to take dance classes again this fall. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to dance again, but I am scared! Having a friend to do it with would be great! I tried to take a ballet class a few years ago, but (a) my body does not do so easily what it did 15 years ago, (b) it's really difficult to find dance clothes in a size 16, and (c) dance classes are crazy expensive! But Erica solved many of those problems for me! She is about my size, so we would have each other to lean on in that respect, and she found a studio (directed my another former teacher of mine) that is only $35/month for unlimited adult classes, including yoga and pilates! Fantastic!

And then Suki became the Million Dollar Kitty... so dance classes are put on hold for yet one more year. But I have been going to the gym pretty regularly, so maybe by next year I will be better prepared for the classes.

In other dancing news, remember how I said I might be doing my every two year pas de deux again with P? I think maybe I was wrong. The ebb and flow has happened pretty quickly this time. However, I  do have plans to go visit him in Glenwood Springs this weekend, and he is actually moving back to Colorado Springs next month, so we shall see what the fall brings!

At any rate, I feel like the universe is telling me to dance, I'm just not sure where to take the floor or who to take as partner.

K.I.T.

A friend of mine recently deleted her facebook page. She has been known to cyberstalk ex-boyfriends to an obsessive amount and thought it would be better for her mental health if she didn't have that option anymore. In one way, this is so good for her! She needs to distance herself from that stuff. On the other hand, I never realized how much I subconsciously communicated with her via FB. Now that she's gone, I really miss her on there!

It got me to thinking about how technology has closed the gap in communication in so many ways. FB, myspace, twitter, blogs, and other social networks allow us all to keep track of everyone's lives without having to spend hours on the phone with people every night. Although I miss that type of deeper communication, who has time for that?! I also love the outpouring of support that the social network provides. Have you had a birthday on FB yet? Holy birthday wishes!!! And, in times of need, you get more support than you ever expected. (I had to take Suki to the emergency room today and got all kinds of unexpected support from my FB friends!)

All this is really just to say that I am so glad I have been blogging lately and that it allows me and my dear friend, M, to keep in touch!

Mich - I love you like a sister! In fact, you are more like a sister to me than my own sister! I am so glad that we have been friends for so long and that our friendship has endured love and loss, hardships and distance. I don't know what I would do without you! I am looking forward to seeing you soon so I can give you a great big hug!!

P.S. I like your new layout! It is very fitting with the NYC pictures you have been posting!

Just another Friday night in the 719

It has been a bust and productive week! My co-worker and fellow classmate and I are travelling to San Diego next week for the American Psychological Association's annual convention. It is the mother of all psych conferences! She and I are both presenting our own research, as well as attending presentations by our colleagues and other people in the field. It's like Nerd Fest 2010 for psychologists! While I'm in San Diego I hope to visit the zoo, the beach, and see my friend, M! It has been way too long and we are overdue for a bitch-fest and some drinks!

I dropped off Little Brother at the airport yesterday. He is heading back to VA for a visit before he leaves for boot camp in October. He'll also have to tell our dad about his new status as father-to-be. What I wouldn't give to be a fly on the wall during that discussion! For those of you living in VA, if you hear screaming and shouting from the Springfield area, just ignore it. It's just my father going ballistic.

That means I have 6 glorious days of the house all to myself before I head off to CA! Last night I hosted a Slumber Party at my house for my girlfriends. It was way more fun than I thought it would be! After work today, I plan to go home, do some elliptical, then settle in with my leftover party foods and Netflix. Have I mentioned how much I love Netflix lately? I freakin' love it! I am starting to watch the Buffy the Vampire Slayer tv series. I only watched the pilot, so I hope it gets better. Any suggestions for other series' I should add to my addictions?

Friends & Brothers: Part II

I was watching one of my new favorite teeny-bopper dramas when the girls involved began talking about friendship. I have been so blessed in my life to have some of the best friends ever. I think it was God's way of making up for the fact that the rest of my family was kind of a hot mess. I have friends who I have known since I was in kindergarten, and some I have know only a few short years. These women I speak of have made all the difference in my life: Sarah, Julie, Lori, Mich, and Sheri.

Up until recently there would be two other names on that list: Gale and Brianne. My little brother, M, the ultimate disappointment, has successfully created divides in these friendships which cannot be repaired. (You can read all about the drama between Gale and M from last summer in case you've forgotten! It all starts in my post entitled Friends & Brothers from July 2009.)

Well, the drama has now been replicated with B. Despite my hurt and anger from last time, despite the numerous conversations I have had with her and M, they decided to pursue a relationships anyway.

• I don't understand how someone who claims to be one of my best friends would intentionally pursue anything knowing how much it would hurt me and that it already ended on friendship of mine.
• I don't understand what a 30-year-old woman would want with a 24-year-old man-child who doesn't have a job, doesn't have an education, doesn't have any money, has sat in his sister's basement for the past 8 months playing video games, and is leaving for boot camp in 2 months.
• I don't understand how someone who is my friend would pursue a relationship with someone who has hurt me so continually for the last 13 months.

I have been dealing with this since April. Finally, I realized that her behavior, in combination with many other events that have happened over the past year, indicate that I have outgrown this relationship. I made peaces with that and was ready to walk away and never see or speak to her again; the damage is irreparable.

Then, last night, I found out that she's pregnant.

I have to figure out somehow to deal with this wretched person whom I do not want to associate with for the rest of my life. I can't imagine a time when I'll feel ok with her. I can't imagine having to spend holidays with her and M and their spawn. I can't imagine a time when this won't hurt. I have know idea how to reconcile this in my head.

Shall we dance?

There have been two great loves in my life, P and J. (Too bad I never fell in love with a Brad, huh?!) I have dated each guy many, many times. Too many times!!! But I don't know what happens, every couple of years we find our way back to each other. J and I have only been down that road a few times. The most recent was only a few months ago, but before that it had been several years. P is another story...

P and I met in high school, dated for two years, then he moved away, then he moved back and we got back together, then we lived together, then we broke up, then a year later we got back together, then we broke up... you get the point. We haven't officially dated in several years, but we have had definite times of connectedness, both physically and emotionally. It's like we have to check-in with each other every so often and say, "Is it right yet? Can we finally make this work? Have we grown-up enough to get our shit together? ... No? Ok, see ya again in a couple years."

Now that it has been a sufficient amount of time, it appears that it is time for he and I to dance again.

It has become kind of a joke between he and I because every time we do this, his family and our friends start asking all kinds of questions about what's happening, when are we getting back together, when is the wedding, etc. We just look at each other and laugh, knowing that in many ways we are perfect for each other, soul mates, but at the same time knowing that we can't try to make it right if it just isn't, we've done that too many times before.

We have finally come to enjoy each other's company for the time that we have it. But maybe someday... maybe.

P.S. Happy Birthday to my bestie, M!!! I love you and can't wait to have a celebratory drink with you!! XOXO

Mistress Gina

It seems like every 6 months or so I decode to be a blogger, which lats for about 2 weeks and then I disappear again! So here we go on that journey once more!

Things that have happened since my last post:

1. I defended my thesis and fucking rocked it!!
2. I graduated, and now that I am officially a "Master" you must all address me as Mistress Gina. :-)
3. I ended my pseudo-relationship with J and am still single.
4. I have not gotten any more cats to fill the void in my life, but I contemplate it daily.
5. I am more disappointed by my little brother every day that he lives in my house.
6. I am more proud of my older brother every day that he stays clean! (Monday will be 30 days!)
7. I have found my way back to the gym, however, I have not lost any weight or dropped any sizes. 
8. An old dance friend and I might be taking dance classes again this fall! Yay!!
9. I have been travelling like crazy this summer!!! North Carolina, Wisconsin, San Diego, Glenwood Springs, maybe North Carolina again, and Toronto and LA in the next couple of months.
10. I feel scared and happy and nervous and sad and excited about my future in ways I never have before! 

As an aside, I like that my blog is anonymous and none of my friends (besides Mich) know about it. Sometimes I wish I could share it more, but there are some things I have written that I wouldn't want other people I know to read about, so I keep the whole thing private. Maybe if more people knew about it, I would write more consistently... Does anyone know if there is a way to control privacy settings per post?