Let me give you some history first... My parents were divorced when I was a baby. My mom then moved my brother and I to Colorado Springs because that's where her parents lived. I spent lots of time with my gramma when I was little, then, after my mom died in 1990, my gramma raised me. For the past few years, my gramma has been living with my aunt and uncle due to the increasing severity of her Alzheimer's Disease. Finally, on June 30, she lost the battle and passed away.
I have known this moment was coming and have been dreading it for years. Now that it has come and gone, I feel... nothing. At least, I don't feel like I thought I would. It's been almost 2 weeks since she passed, and I haven't even cried. I feel almost relieved for her. And, truthfully, I feel relieved for my aunt and uncle. I know it has been a strain on them to care for her 24 hours a day, especially during this past year. I guess for me, it feels like I lost my gramma several years ago. Long gone are the days when she would yell at me for wearing too much makeup, or for hanging out with the wrong crowd, like she did when I was a teenager.
I have been trying to think about the relationship we had as adults, but we didn't really get to have one. By the time I had moved out of the house, and grown up enough to not act like such a bitch all the time, she had already started her mental decline. Two summers ago I flew with her to visit her family in West Virginia. The trip out was fine and we had a good time together. But after I got there, I got to see how much she had declined. She was paranoid and angry, and even became violent with me at one point. However, when I flew back out to pick her up, she was the same happy gramma I had left Colorado with. I don't think she even remembered the trip, but I am glad that I have those memories with her.
This picture was taken in my gramma's backyard about 22 years ago. At this point in time, she and I were inseparable! We did everything together!!
Gramma ~
I love you and will miss you greatly! Give Mom and Pa-Bill a hug for me!!
Love Gina
xoxo
