Stop worrying, I'm fine. Really.

When I was growing up, I had to deal with a lot of hardships in my family. But through it all, no one worried about me. Or, at least, no one expressed that they were worried about me. And I did fine. I was a good student and an overall good kid. Not that I was perfect, not by any means! But overall, pretty good. I think at some point people just expected that of me. And they quit paying attention.

I got mixed up in some craziness. I was acting out, doing a ton of drugs, lost a bunch of weight, and had mysterious scars all over my arms. Still, no one seemed to notice. I moved out of the house and cleaned up my act a little. But I had quit college and was still partying a lot. Not so much with the drugs anymore, but I was going out drinking more nights than I wasn't. And still, no one seemed to notice.

Then I really did clean up my act and went back to college. I threw myself in full force; full-time classes, extracurriculars, research, the whole none, still while I was working a full-time day job. And suddenly everyone was concerned! "Is Gina ok?" "How will she manage?" "Can she maintain a C average?" What the fuck?!?!? Hey people, I think you're all a little delayed on the appropriate time to be concerned about me!! Not only was I "ok," but I graduated near the top of my class with honors.

I took some time off to gain some experience in my field of choice, planning to go back to school after about a year. Everyone got worried again. "Will she really go back?" But I did. And not only did I go back, but again, I am excelling. During this time I did have an emotional setback (hence the first 5 posts on this blog). And although some people in my life were concerned about me, and rightly so, these were not the people who had previously failed to notice me or had worried at the wrong times. These were people relatively new to my life. So, the people that had failed to notice my struggles previously in my life had once again failed to notice.

Now I finally feel like I am starting to feel like me again. So, of course, there are people who are just now expressing concern. "I'm worried about you." "You're drinking too much." "You're not connecting with your emotions." "You're not letting yourself grieve."

Grieve?!?! You don't think I know how to grieve?!?!? I feel like I have practiced grieving for my entire life! I spent three of the past 6 months crying and you people never noticed! So if I want to go out and drink and disconnect from my emotions a little, I think that's perfectly fine! Yes, I have made some errors in judgement recently, but I am not 16 anymore. And furthermore, you people didn't notice what was going on in my life at 16 anyway, so why bother now that I'm an adult?

And, yes, I know that I don't have the greatest track record with guys. So when you find out that I have recently spoken to a person whom you all consider to be the biggest mistake I ever made, please restrain yourselves from commenting. Try and trust that I am a grown up. Try and trust that I have learned from the events of my past. Try and trust that if I managed to get through the past (almost) 30 years relatively unscathed, that I can make it through the next 30 just as successfully. And for once, could you please just try to be open minded and accepting of who I am and who I choose to be.

Poor Cinderella...

So, today was the day. I'm sort of surprised that both of those fine police officers showed up at my DMV hearing today, but they did! No driving for me for 90 days. My coach has officially turned into a pumpkin. :(

In other news, I hear that DB and his new girlfriend are still together and disgustingly happy. (Blegh!!!) Then the other day I had a flashback of how whiny he always was, how lazy and unmotivated, and I felt so grateful that I got away before I was tied down forever!!

I haven't heard from TDH, so maybe he and his girlfriend worked things out. I kind of hope they did... if that's what he wanted. I just want him to be happy. Last time I saw him he didn't seem that way.

As for the rest of the boy situation, I seem to be doing a pretty good job of juggling them... There are just enough of them to keep me from getting attached to any one boy. Dating in order to avoid getting hurt? I think I may have turned into a man!

Fear not, Cinderella, I am still waiting for my Prince Charming! But until he shows up, a girl has to have some fun, right???

Hugs and kisses to all!!
xoxo

Back in the Game

Things have been slow on the blog front... I guess that means nothing too exciting has happened, but that's not quite true either...

I spent the month of February trying to deal with some of the ramifications of my recent poor judgement. I think things are under control for now; check back with me after March 12th.

I also spent the month trying to throw myself into school. Not to avoid anything, but to try and get my shit together after such a poor showing last semester. I have done well so far! I have been working really hard and feel like I have found my groove. (However, I am supposed to be writing my thesis right now...)

I recently spent an amazing, fun-filled, rock star weekend in Denver with one of my dear friends a few weeks ago in a last ditch effort to have some fun before my legal consequences come into effect. It was awesome! And I finally got that whole dancing on a bar thing out of my system for awhile :) And I met a boy, so I guess I'm back in the game.

And speaking of boys, let me just say that I am not impressed with the online dating thing. It sucks. Either that, or I'm completely undesirable, and I'm not ready to admit to that possibility yet.

Another interesting development has happened on the boy situation... An old boyfriend of mine, let's call him MW, has recently contacted me. I hadn't heard from him since August (when Matt and I were still happy). Well, MW called me a few weeks ago to say hello. Upon finding out that I was single again, it sparked a whole conversation about why things didn't work out between us and if the timing would ever be right again. I would LOVE to give this guy another shot. I have thought about him often, even while Matt and I were still together. However, as much as he says that he would also like to give things another go, he is currently living with his girlfriend. So... as not to be the other woman, I am trying to keep my distance...

I'll keep you posted.
xoxo