Love Notes and Lavatories

I feel like I should start by apologizing for my last rant about my friend G and my little brother... but that's what blogging is all about right? Say what you want, how you want, with no apologies. So I'll just move forward...

I have been trying to live this past year always keeping in the back of my head the thought of giving back to others. I feel like, overall, I have done a pretty good job (e.g., Once a Month Charity Club, Locks of Love, volunteering, etc.). Although the ways I have given back to others have been small, it is the spirit of giving that is important; at least to me, and at least for now. This brings me to my experience at the movie theater bathroom last week.

A friend and I went to see The Ugly Truth (which wasn't that good). After the movie, I went to use the restroom. When I walked into the stall and shut the door, I looked down at the toilet and saw a post-it note, posted on the inside back of the toilet that read, "U R beautiful - no matter what the scale says!" It was posted in such a way that, even after a flush, the note stays there. I immediately smiled and chuckled to myself, then I bent down with my phone and took a picture of it. (I'm sure if there were other people in the restroom they probably thought I was crazy; giggling to myself and taking pictures in the bathroom stall.) I left the bathroom feeling ridiculously happy for something so small, but that fact that someone left the note in the first place is really what made me smile.

So today I bought a new pack of post-its and a keychain marker. I will carry them with me always and leave random notes of positivity wherever I go! Just doing my part to spread a little cheer throughout the world!

Thank you, Random Bathroom Post-It Note Affirmation Lady!!!

Cleaning out the closet...

Dear Friend G,


Our friendship has been one of convenience for you. I have thought this many times, and it has been pointed out to me even more times, but I am finally starting to REALLY see it. Let me explain...


In the past 2 years, ever since you broke your arm and moved into your new apartment, I feel like you have been stuck in a funk. Or maybe you always were and I just never noticed. At any rate, I have always tried to be there for you and include you in my life, since I have also been the most busy of my whole life during the past 2 years. I invite you out to school functions, but you sit there like a log and then bitch about how much you dislike my school friends. I invite you to friend's houses or functions I'm going to, and if you can't find anything better to do, then you reluctantly show up. I invite you to go out just the 2 of us but you "never have any money" or don't go out here because "Colorado Springs is stupid." Then you turn around and invite a friend or family member down from Denver, miraculously find money to go out in "stupid" Colorado Springs, and never think to invite me. You also never invite me to any other function that you might go to. Do you see a pattern here? You need me when you don't have anyone else. And the current situation with M is not different, except that now I get to be your Plan B in my own house.


Yes, I told you initially that I didn't care what happened between you two and then I changed my mind. Was that fair? Probably not. I tried to take the high road and talk to you about it like a grown-up and you said our friendship was "too important" to you to let this get in the way. And in the same breath you ask me what I would do if it happened again. Sounds like you never had any intention of backing off, which became evident in the next two weeks as you persistently called and texted me with reasons for you to come over to my house. Did you think I wouldn't see right through this as an excuse for you to come over and maybe see my brother?


I know I can't keep you two apart, so now that you have each others numbers, I assume you won't be calling me to hang out anymore. I feel like you just couldn't let it go, like you chose the potential of him over the guarantee of my friendship, like you sacrificed the past 5 years for the chance to get laid. I'm done. I don't trust you with my friendship and I'm tired of feeling like you use me.


Additionally, it's kind of ironic that you talk so much shit about my friend B, whom you barely know, and how you don't like the way she treats me. You're right, she is critical of me at times, but she and I have been friends for 10 years and she has held me hand, both literally and figuratively, through more heartache than I can count. And despite her flaws, she is genuine with me. She doesn't lie or use me to get what she wants, and I am not a back-up plan for her.

Friends & Brothers

So, if I really liked my friends, I shouldn't have a problem with them hooking up with my little brother, right?? Well, I thought I wouldn't. In fact, it never even crossed my mind that I would care if he slept with all of my friends. Whatever. But now that it happened, I want to stab her in the eye... I guess I just never thought about her potential for clinginess and that now she would be around ALL THE TIME and invite herself to EVERYTHING that we do. I had a conversation with the brother and he said I would not need to ever have that conversation with him again. And I told her I was uncomfortable with the situation. I think he heard me (maybe) and she definitely did not. They are downstairs right now and I can hear them talking and I want to puke and scream and kick her out of my house. But if she's supposed to be such a good friend, then WTF is my problem???

My friends are my friends for a reason, and that is that I am able to keep my boundaries. I share what I want, when I want, with who I want. Now the boundaries feel all blurred and I feel like she is infiltrating every part of my life. I can't deal with that; I need more space!!! I feel trapped in my own bedroom... all except the part when I can hear her giggling from my brother's bedroom directly below me.

FML.

Back to the 'hood

How is it that I am busier now during "summer vacation" that I was all last semester?!?!

My semester ended in mid-May, but I have been running non-stop since then! I was finishing up my internship/practicum and starting two new jobs during the last two weeks in May. I also took a non-trip to Kansas City for friend L's wedding. It was such a nightmare and I never even made it to the wedding!! And to top it off, I think she's pissed at me now, since she hasn't responded to any of my attempts at contacting her! WTF?!

Also during that time, I was preparing to move. Now, I hate moving anyway, but this was really bad... I had the opportunity to move back into my Gramma's house (the house I grew up in) since she passed away last summer. However, the crazy bitch that was living there totally trashed the place. She was supposed to be out by the 15th so I could have 2 weeks to clean, but she wasn't fully out until more like the 27th. I moved in on the 29th, but it was kind of a disaster. Imagine 4 stories of dirt, cobwebs, moth, dust, etc., having to still go through and sort out Gramma's old stuff, trash, donations, etc., and then moving all my stuff in on top of the existing disaster. Ugh... it makes me tired just to write it. At any rate, we (me, my aunt, and my uncle)are making progress, the crazy bitch is totally gone, and my little brother moves in tomorrow!! Which is a nice segue...

After my trip to VA during Christmastime, my little brother and I concocted a plan for him to move out to CS and be my roommate in Gramma's house. After months pf planning, it is finally happening!! He and my dad left VA yesterday morning, spent the night in KY, will make it most of the way through KS today (fuck Kansas City), and will arrive in CS tomorrow afternoon! I am so excited!!!! Although the house still needs a lot of work, it is coming together and I finished setting up my bro's new room last night. I will try to post pictures sometime soon so I can share the progress with everyone!

Suki's Latest Trick

With nothing new to report this evening, I thought I would share Suki's most recent feat of amazement... balancing on the towel rod in the bathroom!

An Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

Chapter I
I walk down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I fall in. I am lost... I am helpless. It isn't my fault. It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter II
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I pretend I don't see it. I fall in again. I can't believe I'm in the same place, but it isn't my fault. It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter III
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I see it is there. I still fall in...it's a habit. My eyes are open. I know where I am. It is my fault. I get out immediately.

Chapter IV
I walk down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. I walk around it.

Chapter V
I walk down another street.

~ Portia Nelson

Giving Back

Really?! The last time I posted was in November?!?! Wow, you would think that either my life is so exciting I can't find time to write, or my life is so boring I have nothing to write about... Unfortunately it's closer to the second option.

School has been good, but busy. I have actually been doing some work lately, so that's good! The holidays were great, probably the best I've had in 10 years or more. I was beginning to feel a little bored in January, so I started to step up my social life. I made all those phone calls to people I hadn't seen in forever and set up lunch dates, dinner, movies, etc. It's been really nice to see some old friends again! And I function better when I'm busy anyway. I got to spend one glorious weekend with friend, M, last month! She was my Valentine and we had a fabulous time together!! I think my dad and his side of the fam will be here to visit in April and I'm really looking forward to that. And the biggest news is that my little brother, who lives in VA, is planning to move out here this summer! I'm sure there will be much more about that later...

In my boredom I started to feel like I needed to take a more active role in my life, including doing things for other people. Now, I don't have a lot of money or time to donate, but I figured little steps can change the world, right? So, at the prompt from M, I joined Facebook's Once a Month Charity Club, I donated blood (actually, I tried to donate blood, but my iron was too low, so now I'm taking supplements so I can donate in April), and I volunteered to judge the Pikes Peak Regional Science Fair yesterday. I know it doesn't seem like much, but it's a start! Over the summer I had to do 24 additional hours of community service, and I did them at the Humane Society. I actually really enjoyed it, and I am thinking about trying to do something like that again after the semester ends (minus the pesky court order).